And As the Petals Fell
by aphcarriedo
Summary: Lovino Vargas has never really felt loved-his mother is dead and his father favors his younger brother. But, when he gets the chance to get away from it all by means of a boarding school in England, he meets a certain Spaniard who shows him friendship-and that he truly does have people who love him. Human AU, Spamano.
1. Chapter 1

Lovino Vargas had never had a day in his life where he had known who he truly was. So, as he sat in the courtyard of his school staring at the cherry blossom tree, he thought about the parts of his life that might have shaped who he was at that very moment.

He could only think of bits and pieces of the first three years of his existence, but he knew that they were probably the best of his life. Lovino remembered his mom and dad, swinging him between them in the grocery store parking lot; his mother wearing a proud face as she hung up his latest 'masterpiece'. Lovino remembered getting gelato on Sundays and his father laughing as his mother tried in vain to smooth down the hair that would always pop up on little Lovino's head when it was humid outside. He also remembered the one thing that ended it all.

You'd think that as a three year old, Lovino wouldn't be able to recall much, especially something he wanted so badly to forget. But, for some cruel reason, or maybe because God had a twisted sense of humor, he could remember every single little detail of the day his mother died.

He remembered being in the car as his mother breathed heavily, _in and out, in and out._ The only reason he was coming along was the fact it was so unexpected; she wasn't due for another two weeks, so Lovino had no one to watch him. He recalled arriving at the hospital and being ushered into a room (all of the nurses were to busy to watch him, so he was pulled along too). There, even though he was not allowed to actually watch, he listened to his mother scream as his new little baby brother Feliciano was brought into the world. He marveled at how much he looked like his mother, because most of the babies he had ever seen looked like potatoes (and little Lovino didn't like potatoes much). But soon his expression of wonder turned to confusion as his mother wouldn't move, and soon his father's face turned to horror as the doctors delivered news that fell unheard to Lovino's ears. He remembered being driven home without his mother and crying when his father tried to tell him what had happened. And, as his father carried him to his room, he remembered that day being the last day his father ever picked him up and held him.

His dad must have noticed that Feli looked almost identical to his late mother, because all of the sudden it was _Feliciano's _art work being hung up and _Feliciano's_ curl being pushed down and not his. The gelato trips stopped and Lovino was moved into the smaller spare room. Although his little mind couldn't compute it at the time, he was being replaced. Fast forward to third grade, when all of his perfect assignments were 'okay' but Feliciano's were 'perfection' and 'those of a young genius'. Everywhere and anywhere all Lovino could see was Feli, because apparently he just wasn't good enough to make it on the fridge. He tried and _tried _to win his father's affection but to no avail; his straight A's were nothing.

At the start of middle school, he joined the art club. Lovino worked so hard to be recognized by his dad (although he now thought of him as Domenico since he really wasn't being much of a father), but it never happened. He still wasn't really sure why his father only paid mind to Feli, but a part of him was sure that it was because how much Feliciano was turning out to be like his mother. Soon, his straight A's turned to straight A+'s, and his teachers praised him both at school and in conferences, but his father never seemed to notice. It wasn't like he was being beaten or starved; Lovino received the same amount of food, he was driven to school, bought supplies, the whole works. But there was that missing piece, the _love_ that Lovino never seemed to earn. He didn't think that he had heard 'I love you' from Domenico since the day his brother was born (which happened to be the same day as his birthday, which disgusted and angered him).

But, _God,_ he could never bring himself to hate Feliciano. Even though he had ended the best time of his life, he could never hate him. Feliciano, who needed him to tie his shoes for him every morning and help him with his homework and a million other things. Feli was so kind, so—so...

_Loving._

He gave Lovino what was missing in his life because somehow he knew what was happening. Which was why, when he was invited to an international academy, he was both for it and against it; he wanted to leave so badly but didn't want to abandon Feliciano. But, his little brother, who was now eleven years old, encouraged him to leave and promised he would work hard to go.

And so, here Lovino sat, thinking about how goddamn _useless_ he was and how much better his little fucking brother was than him instead of really trying to think of who he was. And right now, he was trying so very very hard not to think about the stupid boy that might just define the rest of his existence if he would let himself except the fact that he-

"Oh fuck. I am turning into my fucking brother." Although in his mind, that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. And, in his twisted and tired mind, he couldn't stop thinking about the Spaniard that took up most of his thoughts at the Regal Academy of England-RAE for short. The bastard was so goddamn annoying with his messy brown locks and his cheerful personality and those green eyes-

"Lovi, what are you doing out in the snow? Aren't you going home for winter break?" Speak of the Devil and he will arrive. Lovino turned around and his breath hitched in his throat as he saw him, his eyes drawn out by the redness of his cheeks. He blushed a little (although his face was probably red already).

"I'm thinking. I'm not going home for break, I thought I already told you that back in the room." Yes, by his luck, the teen that consumed his mind was in fact his roommate. "And didn't I tell you not to call me 'Lovi'? Unless you want me to call you Toni," Lovino threatened. His eyes widened.

"Oh please don't!" He said with a light mocking voice (although sometimes Lovino couldn't tell whether or not he was being sarcastic). "Please, just stick to Antonio, or bastard I guess." Antonio sat down next to him.

"Fine, bastard." Antonio chuckled and scooted a little closer.

"Soooooo. Whatcha thinking about?" Lovino scowled and scooted away.

"Why aren't you going home? The plane leaves in 30 minutes," he answered (though it really wasn't much of one). Antonio scooted towards him _again_.

"You didn't answer the question."

"Answer mine and maybe I will."

"But I asked you first Lovi!"

"I will castrate you if you call me that one more time."

"Fine," Antonio huffed. "My mom and dad decided to go to the Bahamas or something like that and wanted 'alone time'. Although," his voice dropped to a whisper, "_I think they're trying for a girl."_

"Does it look like I needed to know that?"

"Hey, you asked. Now answer my question."

Lovino scowled for a moment and reluctantly replied. "I was trying to think of who I am," he mumbled.

"What? I couldn't hear you."

"I said, I was trying to think of who I am," Lovino said a little louder. "All my life I've always been the second choice and I was just trying to think of what made me up. I mean, I'm obviously nothing special. My brother is better than me at everything, art, school, friends, love, you name it. I'm pretty much the biggest waste of space on this planet and I want to know why I'm even here, but before I figure that out I need to know who _I _am." He looked over at Antonio, who was looking back at him in surprise. "Fuck. I didn't mean to say all of that. Now you think I'm some goddamn weirdo. _Fuck._" He stood up and began pacing the courtyard.

"No! I don't think you're weird at all! I was just wondering why you were trying to figure this all out, that's all. It's easy though. You've just been thinking to hard about it when the answer's right there." Lovino stopped in his tracks.

"Oh really? Who am I, then?"

"That's simple! You're Lovino Vargas. You call me a bastard a lot although I don't really think you mean it. We're roommates. You wear really stylish clothes when we don't have to wear uniform and even then you make it look all fashion-y. You always say you suck at art but I've seen a couple of your pieces and they're actually really good. You call me stupid a lot too, but I guess that's okay because people always say I'm 'slow on the uptake,' whatever that means. You've got this one curl that pops up when its really hot outside and I like to tug it and make fun of you when you get all flustered because of it. Your eyes are really cool because some days they're this really vibrant green and other times they're a rich brown. Sometimes I look at them a little too long when you talk to me and then I have to ask you to repeat what you said and then you smack me but do it anyways. You think that you're not very smart but you've got some of the best grades in this school. You may seem really mean on the outside but on the inside you're like a kitten-"

"Did you just compare me to a fucking _cat_?"

"Shh, let me finish. You're like a kitten because even though you have claws that are really sharp you just want some attention. You're really actually nice when you want to be. You know how to speak like a bazillion different languages but sometimes its funny because you'll get the Spanish wrong and then I'll laugh at you. You love flirting with girls and you make really good pasta and I know that because I found you in the school's kitchen making some and you gave me some so I wouldn't tell. You get really mad when I purposely mess up in Italian but that's okay because you know that I can pretty much speak it. You and I have this intense love for tomatoes and sometimes I say you look cute like a tomato and you get really angry at me and you hit me. Come to think of it, you really like to hit me a lot, so I think some people might think we're in an abusive relationship except we're not. In short, you're Lovi. You're the most complex, amazing person I've ever met and I think that you shouldn't spend all your time trying to figure out who you are because you've got friends like me to remind you." Lovino stood for a moment before sitting down quietly next to him.

"Thank you," he murmured. He felt Antonio nudge his shoulder and he looked up.

"No problem _amigo._ Let's go get some hot chocolate." Lovino smiled and let Antonio drag him inside.

.o0o0o0o.

"But you really think that your brother is better than you?" Lovino glanced up from his steaming cup of hot chocolate to look at his Spanish roommate.

"You would too if you knew him," he said quietly. Antonio looked up, surprised. He scoffed. "Don't give me that look. You don't know him."

"I just think its weird that you would think that about yourself, that's all." Lovino smiled sadly and looked out at the courtyard they were previously in through their room's window.

"Sorry that not all of us are perfect," he muttered.

"I'm not perfect," Antonio shot back. Lovino's eyes widened at the tone he had taken on. "God, Lovi, I really don't know how you could think that." _The fact that I'm in love with you might be a reason._

Had he _really _just thought that?

"Well you are the one with the girlfriend," Lovino pointed out. Antonio paused for a moment, looking at him incredulously.

"That means nothing."

"It does, though, 'Tonio, because it means that someone found you bearable enough to date you." He took a sip of his hot chocolate.

"I find you bearable." His stomach did a little flip but he shot it down quickly.

"That's different. Way different."

"Is it, though?" And suddenly they were looking at each other in a certain way that made it so Lovino couldn't tear his gaze away. Their faces were awful close (not as close as Lovino would've liked, but he'd never admit that) for people who were 'just friends'. It was starting to get to the point where he could count the number of light green flecks in Antonio's eyes, which he personally thought were Antonio's biggest charm point. After a moment, Lovino looked away, his cheeks flushing red.

"Yes," he whispered. "It's different because we're just friends." Every word hurt his heart in a way he couldn't (and didn't really want to) describe. He heard Antonio sigh.

"I think you're fine just the way you are, Lovi. I may not know your brother, but because I've met you, I don't want to," he said softly. Lovino turned back towards him slowly, his mouth agape. Antonio's face held an expression that he couldn't quite place—he's never had to deal with different expressions because the only one his father had held for him was disappointment. But there was the way that Antonio's lips relaxed into a small, genuine smile, and the way his eyelids were opened fully, as if he were seeing Lovino for the first time, and it made his heart soar. He slowly closed his mouth and let a small smile make its way onto his face-they were truly rare and usually Antonio would excitedly point them out-but this time, they sat on his bed, taking each other in. A voice crept into Lovino's mind, saying _He has a girlfriend, you useless boy, and he would never go for a fag like you. _Fear slowly crept into his eyes as he placed the voice to Domenico. "Lovi? Are you okay?" Antonio's expression was now worried. He swallowed before nodding and getting up,

"I-I'm fine. I'm gonna go to the library to get a book for psychology class, we have a paper due and I want to get the book before anyone else." This wasn't a lie, per say; he just hadn't planned on doing it until the last minute. Antonio's face relaxed again. They looked at each other for a few moments before a phone started to buzz.

"Ah, that's Isabel, I'll see you later, okay?" He nodded as Antonio answered his girlfriend's call. "Hey, I was just about to call you..."

.o0o0o0o.

About an hour later, Lovino returned to the room, the book he needed in hand. He was actually pretty thankful that they were studying the meanings of facial expressions currently; he was suddenly curious as to what all the looks Antonio was giving him. He opened the door to find an empty and dark room; Antonio must've gone to dinner already after getting tired of waiting for him. The Italian sighed and placed the book on his desk and checked the clock; dinner didn't end for another half hour so he should be able to grab something to eat. He walked back out of the dorm and shut the door, listening to the echo the sound made before continuing down the hall to the cafeteria. Very few teens were there, as many of them went home for the holidays to visit their family. He spotted Antonio quickly and, after he got his food, sat at the table with him.

"Hola Lovi!" He glanced up from his food and gave a smile smile. "You've been smiling a lot today, are you okay?" At this, Lovino gave a small laugh which made Antonio's eyes widen. "Alright, after dinner I'm taking you to the nurse's office." He laughed again until there were tears streaming down his face and the whole room was staring at him.

"I'm just in a good mood," he replied once he regained his composure. Antonio gasped.

"You? Lovino Vargas? In a _good mood? _The planets have aligned!" He punched Antonio playfully and let a bigger smile onto his face.

"I'm surprised you even know what the word 'aligned' means. Hell, I'm surprised you just used sarcasm," he said before digging into his food. A comfortable silence fell around them (with the exception of the silverware clinking against plates) as they continued to eat their food. Soon, the other students began to filter out and they were finally the last two left. After they finished, they deposited their dishes in the cart and headed back to the dorm room together.

"So what do you want to do?" Antonio asked once they arrived at their room. Lovino shrugged and plopped on his bed, Antonio following suit and sitting next to him.

"Well, giving me some personal space would be nice," he replied.

"Ah, sorry," Antonio grinned. He scooted about a centimeter away. Lovino shook his head.

"Sometimes I wish you had an older brother, because then you'd probably get what _personal space _actually means." He glanced over at Antonio, who was giving him that damn look again.

"Hey, you know what we could do?"

"Go on a murdering spree?"

"Well, yeah, I guess, but that wouldn't be very fun-"

"Believe me, it probably would be." Lovino laughed at Antonio's expression. "Continue."

"We could build a snowman!"

"Oh no, please don't-"

"_Do you wanna build a snowman?_" Antonio crooned. Lovino grabbed his pillow and wrapped it around his head before realizing it did nothing to block the sound. He proceeded to hit the singing Spaniard beside him. "_Come on let's go and play!_" Antonio continued to sing. Lovino was beginning to regret showing him that movie a couple weeks ago because now all he would do was burst into song at random moments. Lovino stood up and smacked Antonio harder, who was now laughing too hard to continue. He picked up Lovino's other pillow and began to smack him too; it was now a full on pillow fight. _As long as I live, I will never admit that I participated in a pillow fight. That shit's too girly, _he thought. But, looking at Antonio's twinkling eyes and overjoyed face, he decided that it was worth it.

_At least he stopped singing. _And then Antonio broke out into a rendition of 'Let It Go'.

_Never mind._

.o0o0o0o.

Two verses and a broken pillow later, they were laying in the middle of the room panting heavily. Lovino turned his head to look at his roommate, who was already staring at him. Their gazes locked and for a few moments, all he could do was stare into the startling emerald eyes of his Spanish friend. He broke out of his reverie, though, when the flash of a camera could be heard, and then the sounds of heavy footsteps afterwords. He shot up and turned towards the door to find it open.

"What was that?" Antonio asked, his voice still sounding breathless. Lovino made a mental note to make him breathless more often; the heavy sound of the Spanish teen's voice sent goosebumps down his spine.

"I have no idea," he replied. In truth, he did, but he'd never tell Antonio that because it was actually quite embarrassing. He slowly sat up and checked the time-it was only 7:30 pm. "Did you still want to do something?"

"Why, what do you have in mind?" Lovino glanced over at the now sitting form of Antonio.

"We could go see a movie. I think we're allowed to, because it's winter break and all."

"Sure! Do you have any idea of what's playing?" Lovino stood up and walked towards his laptop.

"I'll check." After his computer started up, he went to the local movie theater's website. "Ugh, it's all girly shit." He closed his browser and opened up his file viewer. "We could just watch a movie on my laptop."

"Okay." Lovino jumped at the closeness of Antonio's voice; he was now right next to him, peering over at the screen. "Ah, sorry," he said, but didn't move an inch (although that was fine with him). Lovino turned back to his laptop and scrolled through his movie files slowly, letting Antonio read all of them. It was getting a little hard to concentrate, though; Antonio's hand was almost on top of his and Lovino could feel his warm breath on the back of his ear. "That one." He blinked and followed the finger down to the screen.

"_Titanic_? You wanna watch some girly shit even thought that's why we're not going to the theater?"

"Hey, you said we shouldn't go because it's girly crap. And besides, if it's girly, then why do you have it on your computer?" Lovino opened his mouth and closed it.

"Fine, but on one condition."

.o0o0o0o.

About fifteen minutes later, they were swaddled together in blankets with the lights off, beside them a case of Monster energy drinks. Lovino had said that they were only going to watch it if they played a 'drinking game' (they didn't actually have access to any real alcohol so they settled on Lovino's stash of energy drinks), the rules being to drink every time Rose said 'Jack', the mother was rude, the boyfriend was rude, somebody gets punched, and every time there was a historical inaccuracy (they had studied the Titanic in history and had done a project together). At first, Lovino had blushed darkly at the suggestion of being wrapped in blankets together but eventually agreed because the draft was _terrible _in their room.

"Ready?" Lovino questioned. Antonio nodded and they both opened their respective cans before he reached forward and pressed play.

By the time the first part was done, they had each drunk four cans of Monster and felt as if they could rule the world. It was now 11:00 pm, and at least two people had come by to tell them to _please just shut up. _

Lovino looked over at Antonio and smiled. Although he was pretty fired up because of the new energy he felt coursing through his veins, he still had a grip on reality. He was glad that he had Antonio as a friend, other wise he'd still probably be worrying about the problem that had plagued him earlier today.

"Ready for the next part?" Antonio nodded furiously and Lovino laughed. He grabbed them each another can and pressed play.

By now, after the second part had ended, they had finished the whole case of energy drinks (which Lovino would regret later; it was so hard to get those here) and Antonio was currently sobbing into Lovino's shoulder. It was also almost 3:00 in the morning; four more people had knocked on their door, although they were a little less nice saying _shut the fuck up or I will duck tape your mouths. _

"They could have lived!" Antonio wailed.

"Hey, Toni, shut up," he whispered back, although he did have the urge to yell. His hands wouldn't stop twitching, which was probably his Chorea, even though that had stopped once he hit puberty. "You know what we should do?" Antonio looked up, his sadness completely forgotten.

"What?" He whispered excitedly.

"I just have this sudden urge to clean the whole room. Let's fucking do it." They jumped up and started 'cleaning', which really consited of running Lovino's shirt (when had that come off?) over all the walls. Antonio's shirt came off, too, and they sat down on the bed together, their rush wearing off.

"What time is it?" Antonio yawned.

"Four in the morning."

"I'm tired."

"Then go to bed."

"Okay." Antonio brushed the empty cans off Lovino's bed and laid down. "Come lay down," he whispered as he patted the bed and giggled. He suppressed a giggle himself and laid down (Lovino would swear later on that all the Monsters had damaged his brain) next to his roommate.

"We're not wearing shirts," Lovino realized aloud after a few moments.

"...And? Are you cold?" Antonio gave him no time to answer as he rolled over and took him up in his arms. Being tired (he _swears _that was the reason), he gave no struggle and even turned to face him. He sighed contentedly at the warmth that Antonio was radiating. "Good night, Lovi," he heard him whisper.

"Night, 'Toni."

[So at first this was going to be a full-fledged story, and this was really just an excerpt, but I'm lazy so this is basically going to be a three-chaptered fic. For those of you that are a bit skeptical that 10-12 Monster energy drinks (that's about how many they had) can do that you, think again. It's fucking crazy. I remember I did this at a party I went to. We made it a drinking game (yes, we did do it to the Titanic with about those same rules) and we _lost _it after about 6 or so cans. Yes, we had the sudden urge to clean. And then we started painting. That was a fun night in my life. We got in _so _much trouble. Look out for the next couple of chapters soon!]


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning was a little awkward—it wasn't every day that you woke up entangled with your shirtless roommate. The awkwardness soon passed, and the winter break progressed as normal. Lovino ended up procrastinating on his psychology paper anyways (which really sucked to do the night before because his energy drink supply was completely depleted) and Antonio laughed at him the first day of class when he fell asleep. Antonio's girlfriend was back from Portugal-which meant that Lovino was beginning to see him less and less. It really got on his nerves (he wasn't _jealous,_ of course not). That was, until, the second week of term.

Lovino was sitting at his desk, finishing up his Literature paper, when Antonio stumbled into the dorm room. He heard the springs of the bed, indicating that he had sat down. He finished up his sentence and swiveled around to see Antonio with his head in his hands, shoulders shaking.

"Antonio? The fuck is wrong?" He hadn't meant for the question to be so colorful, but he amended it in his mind with the fact that it sounded sincere. A muffled sob came from his Spanish roommate's hands.

"She cheated on me," he said after a couple of moments.

"The fucking bitch! Where is she? *I'll rip her a new one!" Lovino practically leaped from his chair, sending it toppling over.

"N-No! No, you don't have to-ah, fuck," he sobbed. He stopped at the curse word that flew out of Antonio's mouth. Sighing, he walked over and sat beside him.

"Okay, okay, nobody's gonna die today. _Today._ What the hell happened?"

"Isabel...I don't know, she's been kind of clingy lately, and acting all weird, so I asked her if something was up and she started crying and I got so confused, and she said over winter break she...f-fucking hell, she said that she hooked up with some random guy in Portugal and I told her that we were done!" He broke into a new round of sobbing. Lovino internally cheered (which kind of made him feel like an asshole) but patted him on the back.

"What a bitch. We're only like, 14, what the hell is she popping her cherry for? Wait, where did this happen?"

"Lunchroom."

"How many people were there?"

"U-Um, everybody except you," he sniffed.

"Please tell me you didn't fucking cry in front of the whole school." Antonio bit his lip (which made Lovino's insides squirm, but he mentally berated himself to stay focused).

"Ah, I don't think so?"

"You either cried or you didn't."

"I didn't."

"Are you sure?"

"Um, yes?"

"That didn't sound like you were sure."

"I didn't cry in front of the whole school," he mumbled, although a small smile was sidling its way onto his face.

"I can't hear you," Lovino said. He internally gave himself a high five for eliciting a smile.

"I didn't cry in front of the whole school!" He laughed. At that, Lovino practically threw himself a party at making him laugh.

"Okay, just checking. I can't be seen with a cry baby." Antonio laughed again. They sat in a comfortable silence for a bit before Lovino spoke. "Do you want me to put her on a hit list? I have contacts."

"No!"

"Are you sure? No one would ever know, the mafia's pretty discreet," he joked. "Whatever, you're no fun. I'd say we should do something, but I have a paper to write and the last time we did something together things got weird, fast." Lovino stood up and walked over to his desk before putting his chair upright again. He got a couple sentences down before Antonio spoke.

"Lovino?"

"Yeah?" He turned around.

"Can I say something without it being weird?"

"Uh, sure."

"I just-I'm kind of glad that I broke up with her. It just didn't feel right, you know?" Lovino hummed in response. "Is that weird?"

"Nah, probably not. She just wasn't your type," he replied. He turned his chair around and began to type again, pausing every now and then.

"Lovino?"

"What, Antonio?" He asked without turning around.

"I think I might be gay." Lovino choked on air and started to cough. "Are you okay?" He nodded, still trying to catch his breath.

"W-Why do you think that?" He tried to not sound _too _interested. He poised his fingers to type, but waited nervously for an answer.

"I don't know, I just...Isabel asked me about, you know, doing stuff-" Lovino interrupted with a cough.

"Slut," he whispered. Antonio looked at him, as if he was asking if he could continue. "Sorry, go on."

"Anyways, I just didn't really...want to, you know? It didn't feel right imagining it-"

"Okay, TMI, I don't need to know that. A-And, ah, fuck, uh," he stuttered. "I-I know what you're talking about," he mumbled. "Anyways, I have a paper to write!" The silence continued for a little bit and Lovino found his mind wandering. With this new piece of information, what did that mean for their relationship? He couldn't help but feel this spark of hope within him. He had been so sure that Antonio was straight, but, now that he was thinking about it, his tendencies were pretty...homosexual, if that meant anything. Looking back, he could think of a ton of times that he had found Antonio's eyes wandering in the locker room before gym class. Lovino could _definitely _remember the one time when he had found Antonio's eyes roaming across his own form (although he had pretended he hadn't noticed because he hadn't really wanted him to stop). He sighed audibly and looked over his paper before deeming it good enough and closing his laptop. The Italian turned his chair around to see Antonio with a very confused expression.

"Hey, bastard, what did I tell you about thinking too hard? You'll give yourself an aneurism." He whispered _'Nice burn,' _under his breath before turning his attention back to his roommate.

"Well, you said earlier that you knew what I meant, and I was just wondered what that meant," Antonio replied. Lovino fought the rising blush and rolled his eyes.

"I knew you were slow, 'Tonio, but I didn't know that you were mentally challenged." He scoffed at his still confused expression. "Jesus, what did you say earlier?"

"Uh, which part?"

"Oh my god, it means I'm gay, you broken pencil." He congratulated himself on the insult under his breath and watched as understanding dawned on the Spanish teen's face.

"Oh. Ooooooh." Antonio smirked (which did _not _make Lovino swoon on the inside, he swears). "So."

"So what?"

"Ah, nevermind." Lovino rolled his eyes and stood up.

"I'm taking a shower," he simply stated. He walked over to his bathroom and closed the door. He mentally (and audibly) cursed, as he had forgotten his clothed to change into. As luck would have it, he had already stripped, so he sighed and wrapped a towel around his waist.

(He _swears _that this wasn't intentional. Honest!)

Lovino swung the door open. "Forgot clothes," he responded to Antonio's curious gaze. He bent over his dresser and grabbed a simple t-shirt and sweatpants, only to turn around to see his roommate's eyes totally checking him out. Lovino blushed before saying, "Bastard, just because we both established our sexualities doesn't mean that you can check me out." Antonio blushed and muttered an apology. Lovino rolled his eyes (for the third time in the past hour) and reentered the bathroom. After taking a quick shower—and definitely _not _thinking about the way Antonio had looked at him—he pulled his clothes on and exited the bathroom (of course, he made it a point to still be pulling on his shirt). Satisfaction flooded his body when he saw Antonio try and catch a glimpse of his stomach before looking away quickly. He still blushed, of course, but he was proud nonetheless.

"Are you planning on going to dinner?" He asked. Antonio jumped.

"W-What? Oh, not really. Isabel will probably be there and it just feels a little to soon," he confessed. Lovino hummed in response.

"'Kay. What do you want to do?"

"Movie?"

"Sure, why not." Lovino walked over and retrieved his laptop before sitting on his bed. "You gonna come over and sit or just keep staring at me? I know I'm attractive but we don't have all day." Antonio blushed and came over. They ended up watching a bunch of videos on YouTube instead of a movie—and eventually they fell asleep.

(Lovino didn't plan that either. And he certainly didn't _dream _about him. At all.)

.o0o0o0o.

"Alright, for the next two weeks we will be studying poetry." There was a collection of male groans at this as the professor handed out a packet. "By the end of next week, you will need to have a poem of each type written and handed in. It had been about a week since Lovino and Antonio had 'confessed' their sexualities, and there was this feeling of discomfort. It didn't always affect their conversations or what they did together, but it was always there. Lovino glanced over at Antonio as the thought graced his mind. He was currently reading the packet over with mild interest—at least until he glanced up to look at Lovino. His roommate bit his lip (he's really gotta get that stomach flip under control) and the Italian looked away quickly. Lately, Antonio had—for the most part—stopped looking at Lovino every chance he could get. Instead, he had moved on to Lars, which was very confusing because they _hated _each other. He internally admitted that Lars was actually pretty good looking, even more so with out a shirt. He shook his head quickly and focused on the packet before him.

After class, they walked together down to the lunchroom. After getting food, they sat down and Antonio immediately watched as Lars (who he was almost positive did pot on the weekends) came in and sat down with his friends. "You know he really doesn't like you right?"

"What do you mean?" Antonio questioned as he bit into his deli sandwich.

"You guys almost got in a fist fight at the beginning of the year, dip shit."

"He could have changed. I don't hold grudges, at least." Lovino scoffed at this and stabbed his pizza.

"Oh my god, Antonio, he threw pencils at you all last week."

"Playful flirting," he stated.

"He hit you in the eye and I had to take you to the nurse!" Lovino shook his head and took a bit of his pizza.

"Whatever. Why do you care so much? Does somebody have a crush on me?" Antonio asked playfully. He choked on his pizza and started to cough. "Oh, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, bastard, just don't ask questions like that while I'm eating." They continued to finish their lunch in a comfortable silence before he spoke again. "And...I suppose he's _kind of _good-looking." Antonio laughed as he opened his water bottle. "But don't think I like him or anything, because I already-ah, never mind, let's go to class." Lovino hurriedly got up and raced to put his plate in the wash cart. He could hear Antonio quickly catching up to him, and soon his roommate was by his side.

"You have a crush on somebody?! Who?" He tried to walk a little quicker, but Antonio matched pace. "Come on, Lovi! You know who I have a crush on! Okay, well it's not really a crush, but you know what I mean."

"I don't have to tell you shit! Now stop, you're gonna be late for algebra and I'm gonna be late for psychology." Antonio sighed and turned down another hall.

"You're going to tell me tonight!" He heard him call.

.o0o0o0o.

It ended up that Lovino never really told Antonio who he liked, but he never really worried about that because he knew that his roommate was very prone to forget a lot of things. His mind was soon encompassed by the unit in English; turns out that he wasn't that bad at writing poetry. He started to keep a composition notebook with several poems within it (he'd never admit that he had one, because 'that shit's too girly'). Lovino tried to keep the topic of the poems away from a certain Spaniard, but it inevitably veered and crashed towards that. Almost 90% of them were about Antonio, and if anybody else read them, he would probably _die. _

(Of course, some things just don't end up the way we want them to.)

Currently, Lovino was opening the door to the room, having just returned from the library. He had stopped along the way to the school's 'food dealer,' a second year by the name of Alfred Jones, who supplied the school with food from the outside in secret. Lovino didn't really like Alfred, but he mad sure to at least stay on good terms so he would be able to get his energy drinks and the occasional American burger (which was so fattening it had to stay occasional). He had decided to be nice, too, and grab Antonio some churros. Since he had so much in his hands, he fumbled with the handle before swinging the door open, entering, and closing it behind him.

"Hey, I got you some-oh my god." Lovino almost dropped everything in his hands, but chose to throw it on his bed before walking slowly towards Antonio. "What-what are you doing?" He asked cautiously. Antonio turned towards him, mouth agape.

"I was right."

"A-About what?" He was internally praying that Antonio had only read the first few, but by the looks of where the notebook was opened, he had no such luck.

"About who you had a crush on." Lovino tried to say something back, something clever, something that would fix this mess. Instead, he turned around, flung the door open, and raced away.

He already knew where his feet were taking him; the courtyard with the now-bloomed cherry blossom tree was always a place that he went to. Several students had already asked him how he found the way into it; it seemed that he—and Antonio, unfortunately—was the only one who new how to get there. Lovino made it eventually, and sat on the cold stone bench, taking deep breaths. He could feel the cold seeping through his clothes. It was still a bit chilly for spring, but at least the tree had bloomed. He mused at how pretty it was—it amazed him that even when things went so irrevocably bad for some people, others would never be affected. God, he was trying so hard not to cry, but by the wet warmth he felt on his cheeks, Lovino had failed.

He wiped his face off and watched as the blossoms fluttered in the sudden wind, some of them falling to the ground. _If only I was good enough at painting, _he thought. _I'd love to paint this tree. _He supposed he deserved all this, given that he wasn't really good enough for anyone. What had Lovino been thinking—that Antonio would even fall in _love _with someone like him. He laughed aloud at his stupidity, but despite that, he still felt salty tears track down his face, and soon the laugh turned into a choked sob. How could he have been so stupid? Who would want him, whose younger brother was better than him at everything? _Honestly, I shouldn't even be here. I could just-_

"Lovi?" Not now. He couldn't handle this, not right now, he couldn't do this. "Lovi?" Antonio said again. He sounded closer this time, and Lovino could hear his footsteps on the growing grass and dead leaves. He stood up quickly and moved towards the tree, trying in vain to put distance between him and this ever-growing problem. "Lovi, stop!" He whipped around and Antonio's eyes widened at the tear tracks on his face.

"S-Stop," he whispered. Antonio ignored him and came closer.

"Why'd you run away?" He murmured.

"Because! I can't...y-your my best friend, 'Tonio, and I can't ruin that," he said softly. "If you're gone, then I have no one else. A-And I can't handle that because...because you were the first one to ever show interest in me. I was so surprised that you stayed friends with me because, well, I'm...me. And you're Antonio. You're this fucking idiot that makes good Spanish food and speaks Spanish and can go on and on about the uses for tomatoes. You watch movies with me and you sing Frozen all the time and I have to hit you to make you stop. You always call me 'Lovi' even though I tell you not to, but I let you do it anyway because it makes me feel like you're my friend. You've got this bitch ass hair that you never brush but it looks good anyways, and your eyes are this green that I can't even describe, and before I came here my favorite color was red but now its green just because of that-oh my god that was girly. U-Uh, fuck, what am I doing. You make me feel _wanted. _I've never felt like that and...I don't know anymore. God, you are Antonio Fernandez Carriedo," he swallowed and whispered, "and I am so in love with you that I don't know what to do with myself." _Oh my fucking god, that was the girliest thing I have ever said in my life. _

Lovino turned around again and put his head against the trunk of the tree, just hoping that Antonio would leave soon so it wouldn't be so awkward. He felt a hand softly tug on his wrist, though, and he let himself be turned around. He looked up and held his breath—there was that damn _expression _that he didn't understand, where Antonio's lips curled into a small smile and his eyes were fully open.

"Lovi," was all he whispered before Antonio pushed his lips against Lovino's.

And as the petals fell around them, they shared a sweet spring kiss that was small but meant _so much _to the both of them—and it surprised Lovino that this had actually happened and that he was really kissing his roommate like he had imagined for so long.

They broke apart and touched their foreheads together, breathing deeply. Sure, the kiss had been sloppy, since it was Lovino's first and he had no idea what the hell he was doing, but it felt so right. "So I'm guessing that you don't have a crush on Lars," he said after a few moments. Antonio laughed and shook his head.

"Not at all."

"How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long have you liked me?"

"A month before winter break."

"Oh my _god, _you fucking _bastard!_" Antonio jumped back at the loud noise. "You've like me for that long and you didn't do anything? You know how long I was waiting for," he motioned with his hands, "all this! The beginning of the school year! My fucking god." And for some reason Lovino started to laugh. Antonio watched on with a confused expression before joining in on the laughter.

_Finally, _they thought. _Finally. _

[Sorry that this chapter was a little rushed and short, but the next chapter should be pretty long. Prepare for some angst. The rating is subject to change because I _might _incorporate something but idk. Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated!]


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